I find it ironic that the second of the two greatest commandments, 'love your neighbor', is often times overlooked by Christians as if it were lacking importance. Too many are deceived into the typical selfish exertions of committing all their time for self improvement, but give no time to loving and caring for others. They get so caught up in trying to conform to the guidelines and the "wrongs" of Christianity, that love and the "do's" become devalued in return. Basically in more blatant terms, someone can avoid immoral behavior, talk with a pure tongue, and sing their worship songs all day long, but their efforts amount to nothing, if love for others is absent. It says in Matthew 12:33, "To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all offerings and sacrifices required in the law."
A Realistic Trust/Unconditional Love
Trust, in a practical sense, means that you place confidence in someone to be honest with you, faithful to you, keep promises, vows and confidences and not abandon you. However, trusting another person requires a realistic perspective about people and an expectation of failure. Trust needs to be combined with a willingness to forgive and grows best in an environment of acceptance and love. There's no magic machine, you don't put in a quarter and out drops a can of trust -- trust grows over time. People are complex, broken beings therefore, previous hurts, fears or losses can impede their determination to trust and/or be truthful in a relationship. But, people have the capacity and the ability to change and to grow in trust and truthfulness. You can build trust when you make a choice to do so with the help of God.
Adjust your expectations
People are human, frail, and sinful. Therefore, you need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationships over time because as you spend time together with someone you build knowledge, understanding and authenticity. You gain insight into another person's character, needs, motivations and fears. Unconditional love develops trust because as you express this kind of love towards someone -- generally he or she will sense your acceptance and feel comfortable to be vulnerable and honest about their feelings. Unconditional love actually builds self-esteem in others and alleviates their fears of rejection. People learn that they can be authentic with you about their feelings, opinions, and failures. The result is a growing trust in the other person. Not because that person is perfect but because that person is growing in honesty.
Unconditional love is patient and kind
It is not self-seeking. It does not keep a record of wrongs. When love is not patient or enduring; when love is unforgiving and always disappointed or looking for something to go wrong, it generates fear and looks for imperfections in the other person. Fear-based love is conditional creating an atmosphere of distrust, dishonesty and instability. You can have a limited trust in people as you grow to know them and they see you really care about them but the fact is that people will let us down. That is reality.
Take a look at yourself as well
You will never be perfect and therefore, you will probably disappoint your loved one as well. You can promise to never say something hurtful or never tell a lie or never exaggerate or always keep your promises or (you name it) but since you are human you will also make mistakes and disappoint that person. The only thing you or your loved one can promise is to grow, to seek God and ask Him for strength. Then you and your loved one will become more trustworthy in your relationships, though you will never be perfect. Every human relationship will suffer hurt. Thus, we all need to become better forgivers and confessors. That ability to reconcile and spirit of humbleness will prove the depth of your love and commitment. The components of love, forgiveness and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as is honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again. Love helps to nourish trust. Commitment and honesty provide accountability to one another.
The ability to forgive is rooted in forgiving ourselves
In the Bible it says that God loves the world so much that he sent his only son so that we could be forgiven. As people we all make mistakes, not one of us can live up to the standard God set on our own. But God promises that if we accept what Jesus did for us, we can be forgiven. The slate can be wiped clean no matter what has happened in the past. God promises us strength for today and bright hope for the future. Whatever happened in your yesterdays God can take care of all of your tomorrows.
-Lyn Hoy
Disciplined
(Galatians 5:19-21) It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; an accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; jealousy; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.
Be Thankful
In the time of suffering, it is a struggle in itself to be thankful for anything, but remember, some things can only be learned through struggle. Be thankful for your hardships because they are a teaching tool for you to learn and grow from.
(Romans 5:3) "let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and perseverance."
Slow to Anger
Anger is a normal emotion; we will possess anger, but how we react is the important part. That is what sets the emotional aspect of anger and anger that is unpleasing to God apart. In times of tension, we must be sensitive and measure our every word and action. Mindless reactions without first reflecting will only lead to continuous anger, but patients will pave a way for understanding and learning each other's differences.
(Proverbs 14:29) "Slowness to anger makes for deep understanding; a quick-tempered person stockpiles foolishness."
A Good Attitude
A good attitude is a matter of faith; disregarding your natural earthly feelings, and replacing them with a determination to embrace God’s path for us. "Attitudes are inner dispositions of the heart and thoughts — they are the hidden intentions which will eventually serve as the basis for our actions." Because attitudes are directly affected by our thoughts; If we are disciplined and filter out thoughts that are unpleasing to God, our outward attitudes and behavior will be that of Christ.
(Proverbs 23:7) "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."
(Phillipians 2:5) "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."
Forgive and Forget
God advises us to forgive because dwelling on past mistakes is painful and insignificant, and can destroy a special bond. As hard as it can be sometimes, we must forgive and forget just as God does for us. Forgiveness provides a new path way for us to move on and to learn from our mistakes.
(Proverbs 17:9) "Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates even the closest of friends."
(Proverbs 19:11) "The wise know how to hold their tongue; their grandeur is to forgive and forget."
Choose to Love
Love is a choice. God gives us the initial desires as a foundation, but it is our choice and our devotion to sustain love. God would not have given us guidelines on love if it weren't a choice. Love is not effortless, love and care takes effort and enthusiasm. Love is hard work, but the reward is worthwhile.
(1 Corinthians 13) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Destroy Lust
Sexual greed, a selfish desire to solely satisfy sexual gratification, needs to be completely avoided. It will influence only lust, and lust destroys love, both love for another and love for God. Sexual immoral thoughts are likely to lead to immoral behavior, therefore preventing both is important. Even so, If you are treating sex more like an activity to satisfy urges instead of an expression of love, the sex within your marriage is still being driven by lust. In other words, marriage does not excuse lust. It is important, regardless of your status, to be self-disciplined and make lustful behavior and thoughts absent from your life.
(Ephesians 5:3-5) "Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual immorality, filthy practices, or sexual greed. Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God."
Worry Free
We often worry about things and events that never happen, but in the moment of worry everything is dramatized and becomes a reality in the mind of the worrier. However, when it comes down to it, worrying is simply not trusting in God. Why worry? It robs you of your peace and joy. Do what you can and then turn your worries over to God by prayer, and trust his promises that worrying is irrelevant and that all is safe in his hands.
(Philippians 4:6-7) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds."
Godly Jealousy vs. Earthly Jealousy
The bible characterizes God as being a God of jealousy. However, there is a distinct difference between earthly jealousy and Godly jealousy. God is a jealous God, but is jealous for our sake, not his own sake. He wants us to worship him because he knows that is the only way to our salvation. Humans, however, are jealous to please their own selfishness. The whole concept to this is to keep in mind that there is a such thing as a "Godly Jealousy" that we should all devote our lives to. For example, as devoted Christians, it is important to pass on the word of God to others, and through doing that, we want others to notice a difference in us; a difference that persuades others to want what we have.